Because of a trauma that has affected his life, a brilliant surgeon decides he can no longer do brain surgery on people. But with his skills and knowledge, he can guide other doctors who are doing operations. He also is persuaded to assist a medical technology company trying to develop a computerized program to help surgeons operating in the brain. The doctor and the woman who heads the company fall in love. But she is afflicted with a medical fault that heretofore has been considered inoperable. The surgeon masters his emotions enough to promise to try to save her life with a dangerous operation. But at the last moment after she's on the operating table, he loses his nerve and walks out.
A wise priest counsels him saying – "You offer your hand to God. Whether He uses it – whether your hand becomes His hand – is up to Him."
The surgeon returns to the operating room and successfully operates, thus saving the life of the woman he loves.
"You offer your hand to God. Whether He uses it – whether your hand becomes His hand – is up to Him."
If I could honestly, earnestly grasp and believe (feel, know, think, assume) that statement, would I be able to stop saying -- "If I try I'll probably fail"? Or, "What's the use? It isn't going to work anyway."
We know that we have plenty of limitations. And we have to be careful that we aren’t tempting God by assuming too much that he will grandly use us. But what if I could trust that it was all up to God, not me? Would that erase my sometimes-thoughts -- "I'm not good enough, clever enough, useful enough, clean enough"?
I have no idea how we flawed human beings can become certain that whether God uses our hands, is up to Him. It doesn't seem to do any good for me to give myself pep talks about how God sees me. I keep wondering if I am flubbing what he had planned for me. (Which is, of course, the enemy of our souls trying to shame me into thinking I need to be in control. Dare I even say I’m subtly, unconsciously trying to play God?)
I know I ought to believe God our Savior is always at work. That he’s in control. That “all things work together for good to those who believe…” But no matter how many times I tell him I trust him, I always seem to fall back again into my fears. Nevertheless, I will just keep on coming to him. I admit my brokenness, my inability to measure up to what I consider to be God's standards. And I will keep on offering him my life, my hands, my intentions, and my dreams.
Whether he uses me – is up to him. Not up to me? Whew! What a relief.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” (Eph 2:10)
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